Finding someone you care about and want to pursue a relationship with isn’t easy. There seem to be many ways to find someone, but it still seems hard to find someone you want to connect with. When we do find a person that could be a love connection, there are several ways we sabotage our chance at love. Pay attention to these pitfalls, and hopefully, you can avoid destroying a golden opportunity with your Romeo or Juliet.
1. You Can’t Love in Part
I know you’ve heard someone say, “I just can’t put myself out there all the way; I’ve been hurt too many times.” You’re not going to find a “full” love if you’re giving a “part” love. As difficult as it may feel, love is something you have to give in its entirety. It’s not about foolishly sharing your most intimate secrets with anyone. But if you’ve identified someone as a person you truly want to have a relationship with, don’t hold back. Open your heart and let another in if love is what you’re after.
“And if you’re afraid to love because you’re afraid it will end or that he or she will leave, you are not loving. You are testing. And it will end.” — John Kim
2. Nobody Knows How You Feel
Open your mouth and communicate how you feel. We are lying to ourselves if we think that someone will understand our complicated feelings without us sharing openly.
“Love is not what others feel about you…its what feeling you share with others.” — Swavin Joysury
No, you can’t give hints. Hell, half the time I don’t know why I’m feeling the way I am. How is anyone else supposed to make rhyme or reason out of what I’m feeling? Sharing your emotions allows someone to meet you where you’re at. Take out the guesswork.
3. You Aren’t a Hero
You aren’t supposed to save anyone, and nobody needs to be fixed. Both are fictional stories we tell ourselves. The reality is you’re not going to do either of these. In one case, you’re building an unhealthy dependency, and you’re knowing or unknowingly building yourself up to be better than your partner, also unhealthy.
“I have a bad habit of searching for beauty in beasts and forever in temporary people. “ — Riderek
A healthy relationship isn’t built on the idea that you can help someone. This thought in itself is already creating an imbalance. Focus on finding someone you truly enjoy, and the parts you don’t enjoy don’t plan on fixing. Appreciate the person for who they are, not where you think they can go or what they could be. Wishfully thinking and hoping for someone to change isn’t loving the person; it’s loving a projection.
Love is a Choice
We all have a choice when it comes to love, and it’s a choice made by both parties involved. No one can will someone to love them, the same as no one should try and will others to change. Realize that love is a gift, and it should be received, appreciated, and invested in.